By George He Did It!

‘By George He Did It’ the headlines screamed.

I shook my head. Who the dickens was this George and what did he do? The wife and daughter seemed to know. Their excited chatter was full of admiration. It was not often the wife got a bee in her bonnet over something in the paper. Intrigued by their droning chatter and totally hooked and befuddled by the headlines, I read on.

The Sainted George (So that is who this George is. No wonder the wife and daughter are in a tizz. All the village women drooled over the golden-haired wonder boy.) slew Dragon Feroc over setting the king’s britches alight. (What? Feroc wasn’t that bad a dragon. We had some wonderful chats of the philosophical type over the years. He was a most even-tempered dragon, never taking offence.) They were attending Queen Guinevere’s Garden Party in aid of the Retired Knights Home. (Oh yes, the annual garden party. The entire country was awash with the news. Females lined the roads hoping to catch a glimpse of the knights on their way to the event and other festivities.) Witnesses report Feroc suffered a bout of indigestion and reflux after enjoying the cauldron of Chilli Con Carne. (I hate to say it, Feroc old boy, but I warned you not to eat that Hell’s Kitchen dish. Chilli Con Carne will give anyone indigestion if it didn’t burn the gullet on the way down. Serves yourself right for eating the vile stuff.) It is alleged George hurled a barrel of Alka-Seltzer down Feroc’s gullet, after attaching it to his sword, causing Feroc to choke. (Well, hurling a barrel of antacid down anyone’s neck would do them in.) The Royal family extend their deepest condolences to Feroc’s family.

So that’s what all the fuss and catter-wauling is about. Now, where’s the sports section?

(Word Count 315)